3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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