I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
