They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
