Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
