Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
