i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
