woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
