It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize