I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
40s are totally the cure
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
