my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
love makes seman taste better
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
