Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
