i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize