yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
