can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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