Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
