She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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