is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
