Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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