she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
