haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
