Your dad touched me again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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