Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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