Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
