It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I bet he comes in French.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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