I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
