I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
