I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
