she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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