I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
