five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
