is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He did a backflip because drugs
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