Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
