if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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