God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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