The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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