i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
