Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
