i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
