Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize