i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
