does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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