how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
