Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
