Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.

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(319): View more from Iowa

the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

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(903): View more from Texas

pop tarts are not kleenex

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(754): View more from Florida

Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.

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(343): View more from Ontario

The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka

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(301): View more from Maryland

I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.

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(727): View more from Florida

You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???

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