i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize