i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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