my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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