Just took my morning after pill in the library
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
