remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
