i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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