Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
