if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
