I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
