my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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