i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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