I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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