college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
