Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
