Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
