Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
