it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
