I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Everyone says I win the strip club
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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