I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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