I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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