oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
