The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
