I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
