i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize