I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
