He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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