shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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