As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
